Trust as a Pillar of Courage
Dr. Brené Brown talks about how trust is one of the pillars of courage. She defines trust as "the willingness to be vulnerable based on the belief that you will not be rejected or hurt." So often allow our fears to get in the way of trusting others. We worry about being hurt or rejected, so we build walls to protect ourselves. But in doing so, we also build barriers that prevent us from deepening our relationships and experiencing true intimacy.
Dr. Brown says that "trust is not a relationship between two people. It's a relationship between two things: yourself and uncertainty." When we're unwilling to be vulnerable, it's because we're afraid of the unknown. We don't know what will happen if we let someone in, so we hold back. But if we can learn to trust ourselves—to have faith in our strength and resilience—we can begin to take risks. And it is only by taking chances that we can truly experience life.
The Fear of Rejection
One of the most significant barriers to trust is the fear of rejection. We've all been hurt before, and so we tend to put up our guard when meeting new people or to enter into new relationships. We don't want to allow anyone to hurt us like that again. But in doing so, we also close ourselves off from the possibility of experiencing deep connection and intimacy.
Think about a time when you've held back from being your true self because you were afraid of being judged or rejected. Maybe you didn't speak up in a meeting because you didn't want to showcase your inexperience. Or perhaps you didn't tell your partner how you felt about something because you were afraid of their reaction. In each of these cases, you allowed your fear to control your behavior, and as a result, you missed out on an opportunity for growth or connection.
The next time you find yourself holding back, ask yourself: what am I afraid of? Is this fear based on anything realistic? What are the chances that my worst-case scenario will happen? Often, we allow our fears to get the best of us without giving them a second thought. But when we step back and examine them logically, we realize that they're usually unfounded. So ask yourself: is this fear worth holding onto? Or would I be better off taking a leap of faith?
Taking Risks Again
Once we've identified our fears and decided they're not worth holding onto, it's time to retake some risks. This doesn't mean putting ourselves in danger; instead, it means putting ourselves in situations with potential for growth or connection. It means saying yes to new experiences, even when they make us feel scared or uncomfortable. It means reaching out to others, even when we're afraid of rejection. It means being open and honest with those around us, even when it's complicated.
When we're able to do these things—when we're able to retake risks—that's when true courage begins. That's when we start living life again instead of just existing. And that's when relationships move from superficial to deep and meaningful because it is only through vulnerability that true intimacy can occur.
Dr. Brené Brown talks about how trust is one pillar of courage – specifically defined as "the willingness to be vulnerable based on the belief that you will not be rejected or hurt." Dr. Brown further explains that trust isn't solely based on another person but essentially "a relationship between two things: yourself and uncertainty." Therefore learning how to trust yourself – have faith in your strength despite feeling exposed- allows for possibility within risk, which leads to opportunities for growth both personally and relationally speaking! Our past experiences often condition us with defensive behaviors as protection against future hurts. Ironically, these walls also prevent us from deepening relationships and experiencing true intimacy built upon vulnerability.
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