An Important Question About Shame Resilience

When it comes to Shame, Dr. Brené Brown says:

"When it comes to shame, all of us have it, but none of us want to talk about it; and the less we talk about it, the more we have it."

So none of us get to ride that coaster of life for free when it comes to shame. Shame essentially is a very primitive, dark emotion that we experience as humans when we’re afraid and fearful of disconnection. It’s the fear of being flawed, broken, not good enough, and we all experience it, but not talking about it is not the solution. 

So shame derives its power from exactly that: not talking about it. So just because it’s hard to talk about it doesn’t mean we have less of those conversations, we have more.

I’m proud of that group with Mental Health America for leaning in and starting that conversation, “Let’s have more.”, and again: shame is a part of the human experience, and as long as we are connected to each other (we are wired that way), the fear of disconnection is something we will struggle with, wondering if that’s going to happen, and that invites us to feel shame. So it’s complex, it really needs a whole conversation, but I want to make sure to put it out there that shame is just not reserved for those that have a troubled past or traumatic events. Shame is really an emotion that doesn;t discriminate, and we all experience it.

So I would invite you to get curious about shame, how it shows up in your life and how it shows up in your workplace; and that’s important especially with work, and when I think about work being the workaholic that I am, some of my worst moments at work, specifically as a leader, has been when i’ve been in shame and had no awareness that I was in shame. I have pattern ways of managing it and behaviors that would show up for me that were completely out of my integrity. Not proud moments, but that’s ok. I learned and developed some Shame Resilience skills, and now the way that I engage with people at work and in the world is a little less maybe-in-your-face aggressive coming out swinging because it was my technique or people-pleasing, and now it’s from a place of grounded authenticity as best as I can.

So if you’re curious about the steps of Shame Resilience, reach out and I will share them with you and I'll refer content to you, but this is an opportunity right now to talk about shame and how it’s showing up for us. We are not alone in it for sure, but it’s not just reserved for specific groups.